


It's Alright It's Okay

by thesirensong



Series: Big Brother Creativitwins Au [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Threats of Violence, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, let me know if I need to tag anything else, mentions of Roman, mentions of remy - Freeform, nothing is outright stated its all vague
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23747383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesirensong/pseuds/thesirensong
Summary: Virgil had a rough night at his best friend's place. Something happened he doesn't want to think about and hates himself for letting happen. And in all honesty he feels like he's overreacting.Remus has some things to say to that.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Series: Big Brother Creativitwins Au [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681951
Comments: 6
Kudos: 144





	It's Alright It's Okay

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to all victims of sexual assault. Whether you were raped, molested, harassed, this goes to you.
> 
> Yes, even to those of you who had something almost happen. Who got away from the situation before it escalated, or managed to get away before it went to far. Just because "nothing happened" doesn't mean you aren't just as affected by it as someone else you think may have had it worse.
> 
> Abuse is abuse, trauma is trauma.
> 
> And even after everything you've been through, you're still here today, and I'm proud of you.
> 
> You'll be okay.

Virgil was experienced in hating his body. Being trans and painfully reminded of that fact every time his hair got too long or he started his period or he looked down and saw his chest made it easy.

But right now? Right now he wasn’t sure if he hated his body more or his stupid fucking reaction to everything that had went down last night. Wasn’t sure if he should hate himself for it happening in the first place or that he almost let it get worse.

He opened the door home, kicked it closed behind him and plopped his overnight bag down by the entryway closet.

“Hey, how was Remy’s?” Remus asked, pulling Virgil’s eyes towards him. He was lounging on the couch, a book in his hands but resting against his chest so he could look at Virgil properly.

Virgil shrugged, toeing off his shoes and holding his hand to the wall to keep himself balanced.

“Remy’s was fine. Awkward around his family as always, gossiped about school as always, told him to shut the hell up about Logan, as always,” he answered, looking down at his feet when one shoe was giving him an issue.

Remus nodded, and Virgil didn’t take the chance to continue the conversation. Instead he just made his way to the kitchen, habit of grabbing something to eat after school kicking in even if it was the weekend.

Opening the fridge, Virgil kind of just stared at the contents, not really seeing them because his mind had already drifted back to what happened at Remy’s last night.

He couldn’t even remember the guy’s  _ name _ , but the memory of his hand wrapped around- of  _ his face _ giving him a look that made him so fucking uncomfortable, and his words echoing around his head were all so vivid.

Virgil frowned, glancing towards the living room and glad that the position of the fridge made it impossible for Remus to see him right now.

If he could see him right now, he’d probably use his older brother powers to tell just how shaken up Virgil was right now and he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell him about everything yet. And knowing Remus, he’d want to storm over to Remy’s and strangle the guy.

Leaning forward, Virgil started halfheartedly shuffling things around, trying to see if anything would be good, but he honestly didn’t really feel all that hungry. How could he when his thoughts were honestly just making him feel sick?

Finally, Virgil just closed the fridge door without grabbing anything, leaning his forehead against the cold surface and closing his eyes as he breathed.

He’s fine. It’s not like anything happened, he was smart enough to stop it and had locked himself in Remy’s room afterwards.

Honestly, he was probably just… overreacting to the whole situation. Nothing happened, so he shouldn’t be this upset about it. 

“You good there, monster?” Remus asked, sounding right next to Virgil and making him jump back from the fridge and look at his brother with wide eyes.

“Uh… what? Oh, uh, yeah I’m fine,” Virgil said, not looking Remus directly in the eyes and rubbing at his arm, feeling awkward and small.

Remus crossed his arms, giving him a look like he didn’t for one second believe Virgil’s words.

Fuck, Remus was gonna push this wasn’t he?

“I call bullshit on that, Virge. If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine, but maybe at least let me know when you’re not doing okay?”

Virgil paused, then let his shoulders sag, wrapping his arms around himself as he stared at the floor.

“...Yeah, okay,” he said softly, pressing his lips together firmly when he felt a lump rise in his throat and his eyes started stinging.

He was  _ not  _ going to cry right now, nothing technically happened, he should stop feeling like shit over it.

They stood in silence for a moment, the only sound breaking the tense quiet being the hum of the fridge.

“Alright, on the couch, we’re talking,” Remus said, stepping back and making Virgil flinch.

That… sounded like he was in trouble for something. God, he hoped not.

Still, Virgil moved to the couch, not daring to go against Remus when he used his “authority” tone.

When he sat on the couch, he kicked his shoes off and then pulled his knees up to his chest. He buried his face in them as he felt the couch dip where Remus sat next to him.

“Something is bothering you,” Remus started, leaning against the back of the couch, Virgil seeing the movement in the gap between his arm and his thigh, “and from the sounds of it you don’t really wanna talk about what happened.”

Remus paused, but when Virgil didn’t react he sighed and moved on.

“That’s totally okay, Vee, you don’t have to tell me anything, but I’d like to at least know the vague details on how you’re feeling so I can help you out? I’m a little worried here.”

Virgil hesitated, but eventually lifted his head and settled his chin on top of one knee to look at his older brother, biting his lip for a second before he pressed his lips together firmly and pulled his legs closer to his body.

“...Nothing technically happened, but I still feel like shit over it and I don’t really get why,” he finally said, keeping his voice barely above a whisper because if he talked louder it’d solidify that something  _ had  _ almost happened last night and Virgil didn’t want to think about that.

Remus hummed, tapping his fingers against the back of the couch where he’d rested his arm. He watched Virgil, and while he knew his brother was just thinking, Virgil felt like he was seeing into him, watching everything that happened.

It was quiet for what felt like ages, and eventually Virgil buried his face back into his knees, not wanting to feel so open and exposed watching Remus watch  _ him _ .

“So what I’m understanding is something did happen but not far enough for you to consider that it was still a shitty thing to happen?” Remus asked, and Virgil jolted, lifting his face to look at him with wide eyes.

Remus just looked back in that patient older brother way of his when he stated something supposedly obvious and he was waiting for him to figure out what that something was.

Virgil felt like Remus had figured out what happened at Remy’s, and was just waiting for him to confirm that. Which was stupid, he’s sixteen he shouldn’t be believing shit like Remus being able to read minds. His brother just… made it really hard to believe he  _ couldn’t _ .

“...I guess? I mean, it’s not like he touched me or anything, and I-”

Virgil realized his mistake when Remus clenched his fist and his jaw clamped shut, cutting himself off from making his brother angrier. Fear he hadn’t felt in response to Remus’ anger in a long time surged through him, and Virgil worried that he was going to do something both of them would regret.

Remus seemed to recognize Virgil’s fear and forced himself to relax, taking a deep breath and unclenching his fist. Though Virgil could still see the tic of his jaw with him grinding his teeth together, he relaxed a bit.

Watching his brother calm himself was a pretty firm reminder that he’d never hurt him.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to, monster, but I gotta know. Do I need to take you to the police or the hospital?” he asked, his voice still strained, though Virgil could tell he was trying to keep his tone reassuring.

Virgil blanched at the idea of things going so far he’d need to do either of those things.

“ _ No _ , like I said, nothing technically happened.”

Remus took another deep breath, then extended his arm forward like he was about to pull Virgil to him, but he stopped before he did anything.

“I wanna hug you, Vee, you wanna come here?” he asked quietly, looking at Virgil with concern and love and like he’d wrestle the world for him.

Virgil felt a lump rise in his throat, and he didn’t hesitate at all as he climbed into his brother’s lap. He still didn’t  _ want  _ to cry, but feeling Remus wrap his arms around him and rest his chin on top of his head was such an overwhelming feeling of safety he couldn’t help the choked sob he let out.

He buried his face into Remus’ shirt, curling up against him the best he could while his brother lightly rubbed circles into his back with his thumb.

“I get it Vee, you don’t wanna talk about it. You don’t need to be taken to the police or the hospital so I’ll trust you that you weren’t violated that way, but it still happened. You were still violated, you had your trust in someone- wait, it wasn’t Remy was it?”

Virgil was quick to shake his head, not at  _ all  _ wanting Remus to think his best friend could be capable of something like that.

“It was-” he paused, took a few deep breaths until he felt like his voice wouldn’t break while he talked, then tried again, “It was some dude living with him like twice our age.”

Remus tightened his arm around Virgil, loosening them again when he winced at the squeeze. He gathered himself while Virgil worked on calming his tears, and then continued talking.

“Right. You had your trust in an adult totally broken, and I may not know the details but the fact a grown ass man made you feel like this is already enough for me to want to put my obsession with horror to good use, but you’re a little more important to me right now.”

Virgil huffed out a shaky laugh, wiping tears from his cheeks and scrubbing at his eyes so they didn’t feel so damp, then relaxed into Remus. He took the next several minutes to zone out, his mind focusing half on the tingling sensation of his brother still rubbing circles and half on his thoughts.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to describe in detail what happened. Thinking about how some guy in his early thirties asked him what he had wasn’t pleasant by  _ any  _ means, and talking about it didn’t sound any better. But the whole thing  _ did  _ give him an idea.

“Hey, Remus? Can I… Can I have a binder?” he asked, voice soft because even though his brothers have both been so incredibly accepting in the two and a half years he’s known them, it was still a nerve wracking thing to ask.

“Oh, totally. We’ve got one in the closet for you actually,” Remus responded immediately, and Virgil pushed back to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

Remus just stared at him, then sighed when he realized what he’d just said.

“Roman’s gonna kill me. We were going to give you that on your birthday.”

Virgil snorted, relaxing back into Remus’ chest.

“I mean, I’m sure this time will be fine. Though Roman loses favorite twin privileges for making me think he was going to make me some atrocious costume for Halloween or something to get the measurements.”

Remus snickered, holding Virgil a little tighter and tapping his fingers against his back.

“You wanna try it on now? I can go grab it for you though I don’t know if Roman moved it before he went to school or not in case I tried to give it to you early.”

“Nah, I’m chill with just hugging you right now,” Virgil answered, letting out a breath that felt like he was airing himself out.

He may still feel like absolute shit, but at least he could trust his brothers to make him feel better, whether they were physically present or not.

“Hey, uh,” Virgil started, then hesitated, biting his lip as he considered his next words.

Remus waited patiently, though he hummed to let Virgil know he had his attention.

Damn it, it’s not like he hasn’t said it before, why is it difficult  _ right now?  _ Virgil shifted a little in Remus’ lap, then took a slow, deep breath that he let out just as slowly.

“I love you, Rem. You and Roman.”

Remus stilled in his fidgets, but before Virgil could voice his worry, he buried his face in Virgil’s hair.

“I love you too, monster. And I know Roman loves you too, even if he decided to ditch us to go to a  _ university  _ and play with  _ clothes _ ,” he mumbled, his grumpiness about Roman going to school clearly faked.

Virgil snorted, rolling his eyes.

“You’re the only one putting in the effort to be upset about that, Remus. And he’s made you frankenstein clothes more than he’s made me emo clothes, I don’t think you’re allowed to pretend to be bitter about that.”

Remus huffed, lightly thwacking Virgil on the back and making him laugh.

“Fine, if you’re gonna be like that I’m leaving the cuddle hug,” he said, starting to shift around so he could get off his brother’s lap.

Only for Remus to squeeze Virgil closer and fall forward until he was laying on top of him.

“Nope, you’re stuck here.”

Virgil squirmed, struggling not to laugh as he tried pushing his brother off of him.

“Dude, get off! You’re fucking heavy!”

Remus gasped in mock offense, but made no move to get off of Virgil.

“How dare you! I am lighter than a fairy!”

“Lighter than a fairy my ass, get  _ off! _ ”

Virgil was laughing now, laughing harder when Remus turned himself into a dead-weight in order to crush him further.

His brother was an asshole (both of them were, really, but Roman wasn’t currently crushing him because he threatened to leave cuddle time) but Virgil would do anything for him, and this whole conversation kind of showed him Remus would do the same for him.

God, they really were a great family, weren’t they?

**Author's Note:**

> Before anyone says anything, this fic is based on one of my own experiences. I'm not going into detail, it's hard for me to talk about, but I feel should clarify that I'm not talking out of my ass here. I've been through it, I've been affected by it. This fic is to let people who went through similar experiences that their reaction is valid and justified.
> 
> Lord knows I could have used someone telling me the same thing.


End file.
